Well, here I sit, 31 living at my childhood home with my dad and my two loving kids. I hate it. I don't hate it because of my dad or anything like that, but I hate it because of how I got here.
I suck at relationships and love........the only love I can't screw up is the love for my kids. But when it comes to men, well lets be honest, boys I am completely lost. What happened too do what you say and say what you do?? What happened to true love? What happened to taking wedding vows and promises seriously? So many questions and so far zero answers.
After my 2nd failed marriage I was pissed! Not at anyone else but myself. How did I let myself end up in this situation? Not only me but my two innocent kids!
When the divorce was finally in the process I started dating a little. And Holy Shit!!! I absolutely hate dating as an adult!
You get the totally damaged guys! The ones that have been used and abused until they were practically living in their cars and hate women! But yet, they claim they want to calm down and have a life with someone. Yeah......BULLSHIT! Half the guys can't even have a decent phone conversation and the other half can and I totally fall for their shit!
And I have met more silver tongue men in the last year than I have in all of my 31 years! Really? Come on guys! Don't look at a girl who's broken heart is in her hands and call her babydoll or sweetheart. We haven't heard that in a really long time so don't be a dick and use that to your advantage.
Now don't get me wrong, I had some fun. Once I turned off my heart and just didn't give a damn. I met some fun guys and was able to travel places I had never been and actually relax for the first time in months! The nice thing about this was there was no strings attached and I didn't have to act like I was some prim and proper chick. Only problem was this guy liked that! And I will be honest I kind of liked him......but I can't just date for me anymore. I have two kids and this guy was an every other weekend kind of guy not a full time guy.......
Then after a few months of being alone this guy walked into my life.....I thought he was exactly what I had dreamed about. He was romantic and fun. He loved horses and we shared so many hobbies. Plus, he always wanted to involve me in his life and hobbies, never leaving me home.......at first. It was like once he had me, walls dropped and all, he didn't want it any more! I was left there standing with nothing. Hundreds of miles from home and completely alone.....I hurt more in that time than I ever had when it came to relationships. Weirdest part about it. The day I left I didn't even cry. I breathed for the first time in months........
All is far in love and war, right?
No comments:
Post a Comment